Rainy days & Mondays always get me down...

Happy Monday! What's the weather like where you are today? Here in SW PA it's raining and spitting snow. I can hardly believe it. Last month on this day it was 83 degrees and sunny. Mother Nature sure has some crazy hormonal swings!

Every week on Monday I will be beginning to post my previous week's daily food journal and exercise. You may not find this that interesting, especially because it had already happened, but to me publishing something online will hold me even more accountable for how I'm fueling my body. So I said earlier I eventually would like to weigh 115, preferably by our party in July. My first goal is going to be 122 lbs. I really enjoy reaching mini goals, and I find it way easier than pushing for losing 12 pounds right away. 

I read my friend's blog this morning (the one who encouraged me to join her 12 week challenge) and she mentioned in her recent entry that reading my blog has made her stop and think about her breaking point. For her, it was people at her wedding asking her husband how he lost weight and here, she had gained weight from the stress of planning a wedding and a sedative job. So here's a shout-out to you, Nicole. I know in the beginning it seems like it will be a long and hard climb, but as soon as those results start happening and you see them, you will want to power through. You know I'm here to support you as well!

Today also would have been my pap's 85th birthday. I can't believe it has been 8 years since he passed away. It is really strange sometimes when I find him sneaking across my mind. Ryan and I live in my grandparents' old house and we are completely remodeling it. When we first moved in a few freaky things happened (light switches turning on, doors open when we knew we had shut them) and we I was convinced my pap was still here. (My grandma is still living with my cousin and her family about an hour away.) Then I realized if he was here, why would I be afraid? He was someone I loved so much while he was living and surely he would be thrilled with the updates we are doing here. It's crazy, but if we were celebrating his 85th birthday, I would be right here in this house today anyways! It is days like this that give me reassurance that Ryan and I have made the right decision to choose to be here in this home.

I'm starting to really get anxious waiting for Kitty to have these kittens! She was at the vet 4 weeks ago on Wednesday and he said she was about halfway through her pregnancy. The average cat is pregnant for 63 days. Fingers crossed it will happen soon! 

If you have decided to make today the Monday you start changing your life, good for you! Any day is a good day to start. My anniversary is the 19th of every month and I look forward to that day to take some time and reflect from where I began and map out where I see my immediate future going. Hope you all have a great start to the week! 

Someone I used to know...

June 2010

I have always loved food. I think it’s fun, comforting, and enjoyable. I grew up in a family where you didn’t leave scraps on your plate and you had to at least try whatever my mom made for dinner. I never learned how to cook and when Ryan and I were first married, he was coaching football after work. So I made a lot of easy freezer meals. Pierogies, pasta, pizza…these things were simple and I wasn’t afraid I’d mess them up! Plus they all reheated well for when Ryan would come home.

I tried to lose weight multiple times. My younger sister was married in 2010 and I was mortified by the pictures I saw of myself. But after a few days of counting carbs and working out like a mad woman I would go back to my old ways and just consume whatever I was craving. Then we went to the beach the next month with my in-laws. I really didn’t like hated the way I looked in those pictures. When we got back from the beach I started dieting and lost 12 pounds! One evening of eating out though led to an ice cream here and sliding a little there and next thing I knew I had gained it all back.

I let myself eat all I wanted all through summer 2011. Ice cream, hot dogs, beer, eating out…I didn’t care. I really didn’t like the way I looked but food was comforting me at the same time. I didn’t see then that I shouldn’t have depended so heavily on something that was the cause of my unhappiness.

Ryan’s birthday is September 14. We were going out with 5 or 6 friends to celebrate on that Saturday night. It was going to be cooler so I decided to wear jeans instead of the capris I had worn all summer. Well I couldn’t get my jeans fastened. My favorite MEK jeans. My FAVORITE jeans. There was a good inch and a half where they just wouldn’t come together. I figured I probably just shrunk them since I had last worn them prior to summer. I tried everything trying to stretch them out (you know, hands in the pockets squatting down, laying on the floor when my butt in the air trying to suck it in). Nada. Nothing. Zilch.

Oh, I finally got them fastened. I heaved in a giant breath and pulled the two sides together as tight as I could and completely split the one side by the zipper. So now my favorite jeans are ripped. Damnit. I was more angry that I ripped them though than the fact it was my ass that did it. Yep, I didn't even really believe I was too big for my jeans, I was just annoyed they were ripped. I ended up wearing my capris. Sigh.

I was relating this story to a friend the following Monday (this story is hilarious to me now. I was so mad that day! Now I laugh when I think of how I was sweating and straining trying to force myself into jeans too small) when she mentioned trying something called “Slim in Six”. It was a six week exercising program. You do it 6 times a week and the video is about 45 minutes long. I had nothing to lose so I decided to fully commit. I gave myself that week to prepare. I was like a squirrel hoarding away nuts for the winter. I scarfed down everything because I prepared to fully give up anything I liked in order to do this program. It was that Sunday, September 18, 2011 when we went to the football game and I saw the picture of myself. I couldn’t wait to begin the next day.